To Share, Or Not To Share

I was recently asked what I wanted done with my written journals if I should die. It's an interesting question. What if I've written something about someone that would upset them? Based on the principle that those who listen at keyholes never hear any good about themselves, those who read other people's diaries never read any good about themselves, either. So, should journals be destroyed, just in case? It's a valid question.

I started to think about this. In fact, I spent some time in my journal musing on the subject. I got to thinking about the Japanese way that I heard about, where they beat the living daylights out of an effigy of their boss so that they can show him the proper respect in their everyday life. I thought about the advice to go to your room and punch your pillow until you feel better. I thought about those wonderful days before central heating when you could take your frustrations out on a woodpile. I couldn't help wondering what would be said if the truth got out. Can you imagine the conversation?

Wife: "Hello, honey. I didn't think we needed any more logs or kindling."

Husband: "Ah! My sweet. I'm just angry with you and every log I split I think it's your head."

Wife: "Oh! Darling. How lovely. You must love me a lot to take your frustrations out on the wood instead of on me. Shall I make you a cup of tea when you're finished?"

Or, consider the Japanese businessman.

Boss: "Ah! There you are. I was wondering if I had upset you."

Employee: "Yes, sir. You did. That's why I'm hitting your statue about the head with this baseball bat. It's because I respect you so much."

Boss: "I'm glad to hear it, because, once you're finished beating my effigy up, I'm going to change the face and beat your effigy up."

Employee: "Are we on for lunch later?"

Boss: "Of course. And, today, it's my treat."

Those are the effects that such behaviour is designed to elicit, and it works. We feel much better afterwards. Our loved ones and associates think so highly of us because we maintained our composure and treated them with the respect they deserve during a difficult discussion, and, often, they never know that we were upset.

Is there a differnece when it comes to a written journal? Should we not be grateful that our nearest and dearest took their anger out on paper with pen and ink, rather than on us? The truth of it is that, using a journal gives us the opportunity to calm ourselves, despite the pressures on us. We take the time to clear our minds of the other sources of stress so that, when something crops up at home or at work, we have the free space in our minds to cope with it.

As to whether to share or not, some feel it helps and others don't. Sometimes you can explain to a loved one that you were feeling frustrated and then read to him or her what you wrote. This may help them to understand your feelings. It can help if you follow your journal entry with some genuine comments about how you wrote those feelings down because you love and/or respect the person and didn't want to take your anger out on them. Sometimes, however, writing a journal just gives you time to breathe.

Either way, before deciding whether to share or not, make sure your motives are right. Often, writing your journal is enough to help you understand your feelings. Sharing it may help others to understand, too. But be very careful that it's the right thing to do.