Holidays are Coming

Yes, it's the last day of work before my holidays. A whole week away from work, with no one chasing me for anything.

So, today, I'm just trying to finish off the bits and pieces before I go. The trouble is, as you can imagine, I'm not really in the mood to work! I just want to go home and pack.

Ha! And I've just found out that my boss is away for three weeks. So, when I come back, I'll have two weeks of relative freedom. (Yeh! Right!)

Anyway, the weather forecast is for a heatwave; the hottest week of the year. Should be interesting, then.

If you're going, have a good time. If you're not going, have a good time, anyway!

Run Down To Holidays

Yep! I'm running down to my holidays. I have today and tomorrow left, then I'm off for a week.

It was supposed to be two weeks, but my colleague with a younger child is also on holiday for the second week and there's always been an unwritten law that those with children get priority. I can't really complain. I benefitted from it when my children were younger. And, it means I get those five days to take at another time.

So, what am I doing this week? Well, I'm trying to clear my desk. But, have you noticed that, as soon as you clear a flat surface, someone puts something on it? It's like, when you clear the coffee table in the living room, someone will drop their books or letters or bag or something onto it. It ends up just as cluttered as before. Well, that's what's happening to me. I clear a space on my desk and, SPLAT! Another piece of work to do.

In fact, some of the work is not going to get done. I've just been given a piece of an NPD project that will take about a month. I hope they don't want results any time soon! It will take me that long to catch up again after my holiday. I mean, who feels like working for the two days before and after a holiday?

Ah well. Let's clear another space for someone to clutter up!

A Different Path

I said, yesterday, that I identified a need when I was writing my journal; a decision I was facing. This morning, I started writing such a negative entry, I was, initially, confused. I couldn't work out why I felt so frustrated. Then, I realised what had apparently gone wrong.

Yesterday's journal entry surprised me. I wasn't prepared for the insight that popped up and it shocked me. Then, when I started writing this morning, I felt lost. I had a need that I didn't know about. I stopped and asked myself why I was choosing to be so negative. Then I explored some more. I realised that it wasn't an issue so much as an insight. I was making an issue out of a choice that faced me. I had expected one answer, but I gave myself a different one. I had planned my life around taking one turning, but I realised that I had the map upside down.

As soon as I got to the bottom of my problem, it wasn't a problem anymore. I could move on. I could plan my route with more confidence. I still have to make the decision, but now I realise that it's not so crucial. I can continue on my journey and see what happens. Because, undoubtedly, I will change my point of view now that I am on a different path from the one I expected to be on. And who knows what insights that will lead to?

And that's why keeping a journal works for me.

Choices

I've been writing the last entry in my current paper journal and I thought it would be good to start with a review of where I had got to during the ten weeks or so that I was using it. (I choose to write three pages every day to ensure that I get a good run at my issues without hiding too many of them.) I started off as a narrative, but, very soon I realised that I needed advice.

So, I switched to a more powerful mode, dialogue. Often, wee find that we can give advice to someone else when they face problems. The difficulty we have is giving the same advice to ourselves. We are so close to the issue that we can't see the wood for the trees, as it were. The dialogue device helps us to separate ourselves from the issue and give ourselves the advice we would give someone else in the same situation.

Not that I advocate giving anyone advice, as you will see later. But, we all need a counsellor at some time. We need someone to listen and to ask the right questions. The dialogue device allows us to listen to ourselves and to ask those questions of ourselves. We need to be careful not to maintain "two personalities," of course. Yet the availability of another, more creative part of our minds can help us to sort through our issues.

I started to look at such an issue. I wanted to explore where I have come from, as well as where I am going. I wanted to look at what I want to achieve during the two or three months it will take me to fill my next journal. So, I discussed with my "companion counsellor" what I have achieved and where I am going. I picked up an issue that I will face; a decision I will be making. It isn't a big issue, really, but it could have big consequences. So, I asked myself what I should do. How should I proceed? The answer I gave myself stunned me a little.

I said, "But, Mike. It's your choice!"

Poetic Catharsis

I've been wondering about whether poetry is a good form of catharsis. Can it help to clear your mind from the stresses and strains of everday life and leave you free to really express your hidden feelings? I have no doubt it can. It's all about letting your creative right brain get out in the open. So, no doubt, there is something to be said for poetry.

Of course, it's not just any poetry. When you tie yourself down to rhyming, you can stunt your creativity; block yourself from those things you are trying to hold in, but need to get out. Rhyming poetry has its place, and forcing yourself to rhyme can help creativity. Yet, I can't help thinking, having used free-intuitive writing to great effect, if the freedom of just writing in a poetic style can free your mind nicely.

I'm sorry if the purists don't agree. And I'm sorry if I haven't got all the technical terms right. But I'm not interested in technicality. I'm only interested in that which can help me to sort myself out. I want to create a feeling of peace in my mind, and I can't help but think that this is one way.

Saturday

Yes, it's Saturday. A chance for rest and recuperation. Well. That's the theory, anyway.

I try to use Saturdays for a rest; to give myself a treat. It does you good, sometimes. It makes you feel valued, even if no one else appreciates you.

So, this afternoon, with my son out with a friend and my wife and daughter working, I get the house all to myself. It's a wonderful treat, a feeling of being able to relax and do what I want to do. Not that I don't appreciate having my family around, or any other company, for that matter. It's just nice to have some time to yourself. It's time to consolidate your thoughts and feelings.

I said that keeping a journal is a great way to ease the pressure and unwind. Another tool that helps me relax is my personal time. Everybody needs it. Everyone needs some solitude. That's why so many people feel lonely, even though they are surrounded by other people. For example, I read, some years ago, about "high rise flats syndrome." It's where people in apartment blocks feel a terrible lonliness despite being surrounded by other people. The sounds of life going on around them only add to the lonely feeling. It can even happen in a family home. You can have so many people around you that you have no time for yourself.

Of course, there's the other side of the coin, too. There are those who are afraid of being alone. They have to have some form of company; TV, music, pets, anything so that they are not alone. In company, when things get quiet, say, for example, on a journey, they start singing or whistling, often tunelessly. It's often because they are afraid of their own thoughts. They aren't comfortable with what is going on in their minds. They crave conversation, just so that they can switch off the incessant ramblings of their tortured existence. Sadly, they never come to terms with life. They just sit there and rot.

Me, I love solitude. Not excessive aloneness, just enough to here myself think. So, what am I doing here when I have such a wonderful opportunity? I'm thinking. I'm alone with my thoughts. I'm communing with my emotions and communicating with my senses.

And, if you're reading this, then I am not alone!

Just Surviving

I call it just surviving because that's how I feel at the moment.

My ex-boss is very short with me. She wants to leave and the company won't let her. It's a bit unfair and she's getting frustrated. But she's taking it out on me. Well. She's probably taking it out on lots of others as well, but she expects me to support her and I'm trying to support myself. I mean, she wanted to pass out my login details to other people. When I objected, she went mental with me about trying to keep things too close to my chest. Hey! If they make a mistake, it gets my name against it, without even thinking of malicious dealings. So, as I said. Just surviving.

In fact, it seems, lately, that there has been a shift in attitudes towards me. It seems as if she's hiding something, like I'm no longer wanted and they haven't got the decency to tell me.

It all started when I refused to go to a farewell dinner. I was accused of not being a team player, just because I wanted to spend time with my family! OK, so it was my boss who was leaving. But, to be honest, I just didn't have the energy. Plus, of course, there was my family to think about.

I believe that we need to put first things first. Work is essential. But all the money in the world won't buy a happy homelife.

Win/Win

I'm trying to develop my win/win outlook. I'm not very good at it. I've been "trained" for forty odd years to be competitive and to win if at all possible. So these changes are not easy for me.

I haven't always had good relations with other people. I've tended to get irritated whenever things didn't go my way. But, over the last ten months, I've been working with journals and it's had a staggering impact on my dealings with other people.

Not everyone likes it, of course. The beauty of dealing with an angry person is that you can ignore him/her. You don't have to take any notice of him. You can ignore him because it's just temper talking.

When the temper goes away, you suddenly realise that what he was saying actually made sense and you were ignoring it because of the way it was presented. The result is that people suddenly become afraid. The truth is, we are all afraid of control. We are so aware of how little control we have over ourselves that we get worried when we meet someone with more control over themselves than we have, especially if that person used to have a bad temper and we are used to ignoring him or her.

And that's what I get from blogging, or, at least, from keeping a journal. It gives me a place to rant and rave and shout and scream and jump up and down so that, when I face the cause of my frustration, I can be calm and tactful and at peace.

After all, why let others steal your dignity?

Learning Curve

We are moving closer to the redundancies. The majority happen a week from tomorrow. As a result, there is a big learning curve for those staying behind. And that's difficult enough where the redundant person is cooperative. But, for those who are left behind with no redundant person to guide them, it's almost impossible.

One of my colleagues is currently trying to carry out a task that a redundant person has taught him. She's off today, so it's the first time he's had to do the job alone. In addition, the company owner's son is working alongside him to learn the process. As a result, of course, everything's almost guaranteed to go wrong, as he's finding!

Me? Well at least I know some of the tasks I've taken over. My problem is a clash of interests on the part of other people here. In addition, the person made redundant managed to find another job early and has left. As for a handover, there was'nt much. And, of course, there has been a lot to sort out since she left. This is a busy department.

Learning curve, it's called. Yet, how much learning has anyone been able to do?

Will it work? Most people are becoming aware of how much work they will be left with.

Personally, I've seen this before. I worked for a company that was really run down; flat management structure, no investment. Eventually, the company closed. That's what those left behind are worried about. One of two things will happen. Either it will be a roaring success, or it will be a dismal failure. Most people are anticipating the latter!

Tension

At work, we are just over two weeks away from fifty per cent redundancies. Just about everyone is getting tense, even me. It's taking all my effort to keep sane. A few pages of written journal every day, lots of breathing exercises and learning to keep my mouth shut! It seems that those who are leaving are now resigned to the fact. However, those who are staying seem to be getting more and more frustrated. It appears that the extra work may not be seen as worth having the job!

Making Sense of Life

I said I was going to add more information to my blog about keeping a journal.

It all started a few years back when I read an article about keeping a diary. I tried it, but I wasn't very successful. I couldn't think of things to say.

Then, back in September last year, I bought a book about improving you artistic tendencies. It suggested keeping a journal every day. In fact, it suggested writing three pages of journal every day.

"Yeh! Right!" I thought. I couldn't even right three pages in a week. But, the book said to just write. It didn't matter what; just anything that came into your mind. You know the stuff that crowds out your brain when you are trying to write an article: "Why is she so stubborn? And the car's playing up again. If she hadn't insisted on new furniture, I could get the car fixed. And I wish the kids would behave and go to school without arguing like they did this morning. . ." and so on.

Well, I tried it. The first few days were just all over the place; a real mess. Everything crawled its way into my journal.

However, something else happened. I suddenly became more creative. My mind found a clarity I didn't know existed. I started to get control of the temper I had struggled with for more than forty years! People started noticing the changes in me, and they were pleased. It seemed that people had very rarely been pleased with me before. This was a new experience and I liked it.

So, I started to look into this a bit further.

More about that tomorrow.

My First Blog (or Why I Keep A Journal)

OK. So I'm new to this blog stuff. I heard about it some time ago and I thought, "Hey! That sounds like a good idea; a place to keep all my crazy thoughts."

All right, so lots of other people had the same idea. But during the last ten months, I discovered the value, and pleasure of keeping a daily journal. The problem is, carrying a big enough book around all the time is a chore, especially at work. We use computers so much now that people think you're crazy to use that old-fashioned stuff, pen and paper! "Are you serious? Pen and paper?" So, I thought I would try keeping my wild thoughts here; try it out, at least.

For now, it's late and I need some sleep. Maybe tomorrow, I'll tell you more about why I keep a journal and what it's done for me.